Love, Defined

Because Gatsby is a complex character, the stubborn hopeless romantic in me refused to believe that he was simply in love with the idea of Daisy for the majority of the the novel. I decided to try to find an actual answer, so I looked up the scientific definition of love. Most people wonder what love really is and why it seems to be so important, but few people seem to look it up. I found a source that suggests people are afraid of bringing science into a playful and artful concept like love. We are probably all questioning something to do with love: what if I don’t love him? What if I’ve never loved anyone before? Does my mom really love my brother more? Am I ever going to be in love with someone forever? Does Gatsby love Daisy at all?

What I found to be the functional, actual definition of love as written by a relational psychotherapist named Dr. Cookerly is complex. It has five parts, or functions, of real love: to connect, safeguard, improve, heal, and reward us with joy. There are a dozen characteristics that do and do not apply to real love. They are logically categorized traits, and Dr. Cookerly’s explanation of how he derived the definition of love is thorough and believable.

As it turns out, the traits most characteristic of Gatsby’s love to Daisy are those that do not apply to real love. Gatsby’s feelings for Daisy manifest as an addiction. He is so enthralled by her that he moves into a house in close proximity to hers, but he also seems to possess some insanity by doing so. Daisy has an immense effect on Gatsby even when she does not do anything, even when she is distant from him in every possible way. This lends to the fact that real love is not dependent. Gatsby is entirely dependent on Daisy’s approval in all that he does; she controls his actions even when she does not intend to do so. Lastly, Dr. Cookerly states that love is not weakness. Gatsby is armed with all the money and resources he needs to carry out his lavish lifestyle. His presence is mysterious, but his business and few relationships revolve around confidence. Gatsby is weak and unconfident when it finally comes time to reach out to Daisy. As a prepubescent middle schooler might do, Gatsby goes through Nick to get Daisy to come to see him. Though no age limit is explicitly stated in the definition of love, I have gathered a general understanding that romantic love requires a certain maturity. Gatsby’s inability to build meaningful relationships because he is so focused on Daisy contribute to his immature, insane, and addictive form of love. While there’s a stubborn part of me that wants to ignore all of the evidence that Gatsby’s love for Daisy isn’t authentic, I can finally admit that Gatsby and Daisy are not an example of true love.